i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
