4 words: hood of his car
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
