We're facebook friends in real life
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
