No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
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So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
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I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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