i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
