I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
