make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
