If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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