Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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