im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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