I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
