Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
