My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Say something about gay babies.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
