he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
