She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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