You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
