Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
