we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
