Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
