he thought i was a dude.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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