kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
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I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
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How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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