1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
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My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
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I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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