I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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