I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Still dying that you shit outside
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
