We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
