Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
