I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he fucked my hip out of place.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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