Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
