we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
soo... how was my night?
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