Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Houston, we have a squirter
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
