omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Be still, my beating vagina.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
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