you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
