I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
