i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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