She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
