my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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