Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
