So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
