that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
