I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
