just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
