Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
