I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just found a bag of teeth...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
