Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
