I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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