My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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