You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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