Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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