Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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