mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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