and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
