I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
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your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
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Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag