I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
