My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
