I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
