I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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