I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
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