My first STD was from a foam party
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.