who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.