I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
