dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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