i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
