You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
