goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
