my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
