he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You had me at "let me see your balls"
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
