I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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