So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
