paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
