I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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